What is Love?

baby don't hurt me... don't hurt me... no more.... (yes i'm head bopping right now!)

Come on... haven't you seen that movie? Night at the Roxburys?

Anyway... back to the point... What is Love?

If I asked my boyfriend (he's in medicine), he'd say it is a chemical reaction in your body.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_(scientific_views)

If I asked others they would say it is an unconditional feeling of giving without expecting anything in return.

If you ask me, I'd say both answers suck!

So yesterday, I was contemplating what I want in a relationship. After writing, I went for a run (i hate running but i'm trying to get into it). After I got back I saw ten missed calls from my boyfriend. Turns out he showed up at my door with a bag of groceries, flowers and wine and was planning on making me dinner to inaugurate my new dishes (I spent a lot of time online finding the right set of dishes and was super happy they arrived the previous night). Unfortunately, he waited for 30 minutes and gave up and left. I called him when I returned and found this out and told him to come back. He did and he made a nice dinner! Very thoughtful!

Now was it perfect? Well not really. It would've been nice if he wasn't complaining about not having time to workout. It would've been nice if he set the table and did the cleaning and dishes afterwards. It would've been nice if he planned a playlist to listen to so we wouldn't hear random songs that clearly weren't setting any mood.

But yet again, I'm asking for more. So where does the flaw really lie? Is it with him because he isn't the ideal date setter? Or is it me because I expect more?

I realized that Love isn't about these random acts. The random acts are nice gestures, but what really constitutes love (in my opinion) is the stability of being there for each other, being able to communicate with each other, enjoying conversations, feeling comfortable around each other where you can make funny faces and sounds and do whatever comes to your mind and not feel embarressed. Feeling at home with the person. Knowing that he cares about you and will always be there for you. Knowing you will do the same. Knowing that we have similar values and get along with each others families and will treat them like our own.

So why do I want more? Is it hollywood and bollywood that have corrupted my mind? Is it the other couples around me that I see doing all these romantic things? I don't know. Probably. Or maybe it is because I'm human and so there is a need for attention and gestures to remind me that I'm special. It isn't about the amount of dollars spent, it is about the time and effort spent planning. I was on a plane to Salt Lake City for my connection to San Jose and the older man sitting next to me gave me a great analogy. If your husband gives you $40 every day and tells you 'Honey go buy yourself flowers!' or if your husband comes home with a bouquet of flowers, cuts them, places them in a vase and sets them on the table once every two weeks, which would you prefer? Clearly the latter. The latter might only cost him $20 every two weeks, while the former costs $40 every day. But it is the time and effort spent in him going to buy it and place it.

Girls and guys think differently. We're different in our needs. There's overlap of course, but maybe love is also about understanding those differences and keeping each other happy even though it doesn't fall in the overlap. Does that make sense?

For me I like to be outgoing and spend my days doing something fun - whether it be white water rafting, miniture golfing, picnic in the park, hiking, biking, roaming around a new area, etc. I need to get up and go.
He likes to sleep in and relax. He enjoys reading, spending time internet surfing, did I mention sleeping? He'll get up and go if I plan it, but he himself won't be the one to plan it. But shouldn't I be happy in the fact that at least he'll get up and try the things I want to do? Yea I wish that he was also outgoing and would plan these things, but is that really necessary?

So maybe we need to realize these differences and learn to appreciate them as well as cater to them. But what I realized is that these things do not equal love. These things are just what maintains a relationship and expresses the love that is already there.

I think I'm one step closer to understanding what I want... at least in one aspect of my life. Now is this to say that he's the one? I don't know. But at least I'm closer to understanding what I think is "Love".

I'm making progress.....